||[Jan. 14th, 2012|02:26 pm]
Odi says she's missing Peter. Ailz says she should buy a vibrator. Odi says she'll borrow Ailz's. Peter, by the way, has been trying to get other friends besides us to act as go-betweens. I tell Odi she mustn't see him without Home Office minders. She says she means to be strong. Then I talk her through hitching up her washing machine. |
All too often women go back to abusers because they feel that they cannot go it alone - especially with kids. Needless to say there's not too much one can do about that. I hope for Odi's sake - and the children's, too, that she stays away from that man - and that she gets some serious counselling before she gets involved with another man - because women are inclined to go for the same types over and over again.
She left him once before, was given a new house- and went back to him within weeks. It's a worry.
She needs to be strong. Who wants to give a strangler another opportunity?
He says he'll change. Don't they all!
A lot of it is simply that abusers make themselves the center of your life- your other associations shrivel, and though unhealthy, they supply you with a lot of emotional content; they may not have done much good for you, but nonetheless they were present in every aspect of your life. Remove them and you are at a loss; for so long you have patterned your life around them, and been use to that level of maintenance and interaction.
I honestly believe that the fact I was working two jobs in order to afford to leave my ex-husband is one of the reasons I was able to do it. All that other activity to fill up my time, all those other interactions to give me feedback on how I was doing. One thing I did not feel was isolated. Plus I'd finally reached the point that I understood that being concerned more about his well-being would destroy me, and ending the old patterns was a relief. Rest could come later, once I was sure I was out.
Good luck to her. I wish you all well.
Edited at 2012-01-14 11:59 pm (UTC)
It's good that Odi is living right outside Peter's orbit. He doesn't have her address or telephone number and can only get at her through third parties. She's a very sociable person and I'm hoping she'll be able to fill her life with new people, new interests and so squeeze him out. The longer they're apart the more chance there is of that happening.
Odi says she's missing Peter. Ailz says she should buy a vibrator. Odi says she'll borrow Ailz's.
It's a challenge for a man to remain relevant in this age of technological marvels, isn't it? Perhaps it's always been this way, which to my mind would explain a lot.
That Odi wishes to return to Peter is hardly surprising.
I think we men have a lot to prove.
If men would accept themselves, and learn to love themselves for what they are, they wouldn't need to prove anything to anyone.