Didn't Peter try to strangle Odi? Do you really want to be involved in making it possible for that to happen again?
Seconded. You should not be in any way involved in this.
A wise father knows when to say no. You are wise.
Don't show him your priest side and stay out of it. He's not to be trusted, not if he tried to kill the mother of his children. Who's to say he won't lose his temper with them one day?
You're right. I don't trust him.
If she is in a safe house, the house should remain safe. Abusers seldom change for the better. Next time it could be one or both of the children. You did the right thing when you said NO.
Also, the children should not have to watch their father choking their mother or otherwise abusing her.
Peter has already had one chance to change. He didn't take it.
Yes, the children shouldn't have to be around the violence.
Having been through it repeatedly with the same person I know that no matter how well intentioned said person is, they only get worse over time. the only prudent thing to do is get away from them. Now I know what to watch for. The last time I was so abused was in 1970. I married again in 1973 - to a man who never used violence to settle differences with me.
2012-01-13 07:51 am (UTC)
I don't know any priest who would agree to doing that.
The danger aspect is obviously the most important - but it would be just as irresponsible if it wasn't dangerous - short circuiting the system might permanently damage his chances of a meeting
As a priest you feel under pressure to solve people's problems for them. At least, I did. I sometimes think I must have a Messiah complex or something.
I like your final point. I think it would be a bad idea- even from his point of view- to go behind the back of the legal authorities.
2012-01-13 11:57 am (UTC)
Yes, I saw what you meant about that - and I didn't mean that I don't know priests who feel like that - I meant that they don't do anything about it - which you aren't, either!
I've learned- through painful experience- that you can't sort out people's lives for them- and that they come to resent you if you try.
A hard and valuable lesson, to be sure.
I had a lawyer tell me the same, not long ago, that he'd actually lost friends doing pro bono work for them.
You are so right to say no! (And you know this, of course!)
2012-01-13 07:15 pm (UTC)
Manipulative men know exactly what buttons to press. You are quite right.
He's been telling another friend of theirs a terrible sob story in an attempt to get her to do what I said I wouldn't.