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Tony Grist

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Forgiveness [Aug. 28th, 2009|09:39 am]
Tony Grist
Forgiveness is always sublime, but...

A friend of mine is being pestered by a man from her past of whom she has less than delightful memories. Maybe he's just amazingly thick-skinned and unaware of how she feels about him- or maybe he's been put up to it by his AA group. Apparently that's something the AA do- they urge their members to go out and seek reconciliation with those they've wronged.
It's not that she doesn't forgive him, it's just that she'd rather he faded back into the woodwork. Does forgiveness mean you have to hang out with your former enemies?

It's a very egotistical thing, wanting to be forgiven. You've hurt this person and now you're creeping round them going, "Please make me feel better".  It turns the victim into the aggressor.  Wouldn't it be kinder- more honest-  to keep the hell out of their way?

Or are you doing them a favour by giving them the opportunity to forgive, which- as I said at the beginning- is always a sublime act?

Someone should write a novel about this.

[User Picture]From: zoe_1418
2009-08-28 05:43 pm (UTC)
I think that I also believe that forgiveness is an inside job, both for the one seeking forgiveness and the one who is asked to forgive. As one in the latter category, I have experienced forgiving someone's wrong against me as more like "letting go" of it to the extent that it is no longer eating away at me and harming me.

Huge topic, of course, and hard to be articulate about. Yeah, that's so true about seeds and the dark. Human beings (and other animals) also develop in the dark of the womb.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2009-08-28 07:47 pm (UTC)
That's right. Holding onto a grudge hurts the grudger a lot worse than it hurts the grudgee.

"Dark" and "darkness" are my favourite words
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