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Tony Grist

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Forgiveness [Aug. 28th, 2009|09:39 am]
Tony Grist
Forgiveness is always sublime, but...

A friend of mine is being pestered by a man from her past of whom she has less than delightful memories. Maybe he's just amazingly thick-skinned and unaware of how she feels about him- or maybe he's been put up to it by his AA group. Apparently that's something the AA do- they urge their members to go out and seek reconciliation with those they've wronged.
It's not that she doesn't forgive him, it's just that she'd rather he faded back into the woodwork. Does forgiveness mean you have to hang out with your former enemies?

It's a very egotistical thing, wanting to be forgiven. You've hurt this person and now you're creeping round them going, "Please make me feel better".  It turns the victim into the aggressor.  Wouldn't it be kinder- more honest-  to keep the hell out of their way?

Or are you doing them a favour by giving them the opportunity to forgive, which- as I said at the beginning- is always a sublime act?

Someone should write a novel about this.

[User Picture]From: daisytells
2009-08-28 02:10 pm (UTC)
Amends-making is a "sticky wicket". As a recovered alcoholic I too have had my turn at amends-making, and been rebuffed for the attempt. The program tells us to attempt (try) "to make amends where ever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others". Easier said than done. Some are offended if you do not try, while others are offended if you do try.
Then, of course, there are those who are hell bent to make amends whether the other party wants it or not. Sounds like your friend's "friend" is one of those. Here's hoping he is not one of those obsessed ex-boyfriends who often wreak havoc on a person's life, while attempting to rekindle an old (and dead) relationship.
Ideally, it is best to offer amends and let the other party take it or leave it without either crowing about a good result or resenting a bad one. It doesnt always work out that way.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2009-08-28 05:33 pm (UTC)
I don't think this guy is an obsessive. The way things are developing it seems like he's unaware of the damage he once caused.
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