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Tony Grist

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An Unseasonal Truth [Dec. 14th, 2008|10:21 am]
Tony Grist
I'm sorry to say it, but Dickens was wrong. The Cratchitts would have hated the new, benevolent Scrooge even more than they hated the old, miserly one. You can't buy love by turning up on the doorstep cutting capers and waving a turkey by the neck. A benefactor- especially one there's no hope of repaying- is universally despised.

I've lost friends by being kind to them- and also because they were kind to me. Gifts- big one-sided gifts- can kill a relationship. Equality is replaced by obligation. Much better to sever the link than to be reminded every time you see a person's shining face that you owe them one. They say you should give anonymously so as not to reap the gratitude; I say you should give anonymously so as not to reap the resentment.

There are times when you have no choice but to give- because it's the only moral thing to do- but you shouldn't expect a reward. Rather the reverse.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2008-12-14 04:21 pm (UTC)
Human beings are proud. It hurts their pride to be in receipt of favours. They feel humiliated. Therefore, once they no longer need those favours, they cut their benefactors out of their lives. They can't bear to be around the person who has seen them at their weakest.

That's how it works I think. It's happened to me so often now that I'm ready to regard it as a rule of human nature.
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