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Tony Grist

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Politics of the Playground [Aug. 11th, 2004|09:50 am]
Tony Grist
Someone unfriended me yesterday ("unfriended" is that the right word, or should it be "unbefriended"?) I was quite upset.

And yet this was a person-

a with whom I had nothing in common
b who rarely posted
c who never commented on any of my posts

What a fragile little ego I have!

It takes me back to childhood- to the politics of the playground- and how we manipulated one another with the threat "I'll not be your friend anymore" and the promise "I'll be your bestest friend".
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Comments:
From: archyena
2004-08-11 02:35 am (UTC)
Don't ya love it, I never unfriend people myself. Even when they piss me off.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2004-08-11 03:08 am (UTC)
Well yeah, I think it's a mean thing to do.

I've never unfriended anyone myself and find it hard to think of circumstances in which I would. Even if they started cheerleading for the Third Reich I think I'd let 'em stay. It would, after all, be "interesting"
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From: archyena
2004-08-11 03:25 am (UTC)
Gimme an H! Gimme an I! Gimme a T! Gimme a.... uh... like, what letter totally comes after T? U! Gimme a V! Gimme a W! What's it spell?!

Think about the master race, Hitler went East when he should have simply moved to Beverly Hills.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2004-08-11 04:24 am (UTC)
But one of the odd things about Hitler is he doesn't come across well on film. You hear about his massive charisma- and then you see footage of this silly-looking little chap screaming and flinging his arms about and you think "huh?"

The camera is merciless to fakers.
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From: archyena
2004-08-11 03:23 pm (UTC)
For Hitler, I've long liked the description: "an angry Chaplainesque rapscallion."
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[User Picture]From: jackiejj
2004-08-11 06:24 am (UTC)
I'm glad someone else has talked about the de-friending trauma!

I remember all too well being chosen last for the Lincoln Elementary softball team (the compensation was that I got to be scorekeeper while sitting in the tire swing that hung from a cottonwood tree near the baseball field; I much preferred keeping impeccable team notes to getting yelled at by team members for my ineptitude). I remember being shunned because I had hurt Carol Papay's feelings and she went and told all her little friends, who petted her and glared at me. And I remember sobbing when I found out I wasn't invited to Lois Shepherd's stupid Halloween party at her house, where everyone got to stay up late and watch "Dracula."

Mature grownup I may think I am, but still I check every few days, prepared to be sad and unpopular once again when I am "de-friended." It will happen: I know it will, and I dread it.

Have you ever read any of those rather hostile disclaimers on some people's LJ info pages that basically kiss readers off before they even write their first timid comment?--"I may friend you or I may not. Keep on your toes, and write good posts that I like, or that's it. And don't include drivel--that's the first step toward getting de-friended."

I run from hard people like that. I'd never measure up to their standards, and I know it.

I promise I will never de-friend you, and I'm delighted that you promised to never de-friend anyone.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2004-08-11 06:54 am (UTC)
Like you I was someone who got picked last for teams. In the end I perfected a cloak of invisibility which ensured that the sporty types ceased to notice me and I never got picked for anything ever again.

Yes, I hate those blogs too. And I steer well clear. I don't want to be friends with swaggering bullies like that.
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From: archyena
2004-08-11 03:24 pm (UTC)
Myself, I can be a bully sober, but I can only swagger when drunk. XD
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From: morrison_maiden
2004-08-11 11:05 am (UTC)
Lol, it is rather funny when you look at it like the playground system. I feel kind of sad when people take me off their lists too...
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2004-08-11 11:49 am (UTC)
I'm making it a rule that I won't unfriend anyone unless they unfriend me first.

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[User Picture]From: kaysho
2004-08-11 10:06 pm (UTC)
Alternatively, keep them as a friend anyway. If they've "unfriended" you over a temporary issue, it shows you haven't given up on them. If they've unfriended you because they can't stand you, it'll drive them crazy. :)
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2004-08-11 11:58 pm (UTC)
The unfriender I'm talking about runs a "Friends Only" site, so there didn't seem much point in keeping her on my list. But I'll bear your advice in mind for the next time it happens.
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