The Beginning Of A Friendship

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Tony Grist

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The Beginning Of A Friendship	[Oct. 25th, 2007\|10:09 am] Tony Grist
Ailz's OU tutor Keith H retired at the end of the last academic year. We always liked him. Now that our "business arrangement" is in the past there's the posibility we might actually be friends. We went to his house yesterday and met his partner and ate chocolate biscuits and talked for a couple of hours about books, travel and art. I believe we all had fun. He sent us home with a couple of bags full of Shakespeare vids he no longer needs. These early moves in a friendship are exactly like courtship. You're looking for signs that the person really wants you there and isn't just being polite. I'm very, very conscious of how dreadful it is to overstep the mark. I've had people push it with me- back in the day when I was someone it might be profitable to know- and I've squirmed in my chair as they overstayed their welcome and ignored the ever heavier hints I was dropping. It would be so humiliating to be that thick-skinned, unwelcome guest. Keith is going into hospital for an operation and we've said we'll take him grapes. He seems to like the idea.
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Comments:

From:

haikujaguar
2007-10-25 10:37 am (UTC)

Isn't it delightful how all intimacies seem born of the same place? Like a stone's facets... each one a singular plane, but all the same gem.

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From:

poliphilo
2007-10-25 10:54 am (UTC)

Yes. Love, friendship: they're the same thing I think. The sexual thing- the explicitly sexual thing- is an add-on.

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From:

haikujaguar
2007-10-25 11:00 am (UTC)

At the risk of sounding sexist, this is a belief I've seen more often from women than men... have you always felt so?

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From:

poliphilo
2007-10-25 01:05 pm (UTC)

I've always thought love and friendship should go together, but I don't think I'd have formulated my belief in the terms I used above until quite recently.

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From:

haikujaguar
2007-10-25 01:27 pm (UTC)

Shortly after I made that comment I got to thinking: perhaps it is an age/life experience thing, not a gender thing. And here is your response. :)

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From:

poliphilo
2007-10-25 02:13 pm (UTC)

I think it's a bit of both. Men do tend to rate sex more highly than women do, but with age comes a levelling out.

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From:

mummm
2007-10-25 10:42 am (UTC)

Best wishes for a happy friendship!

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From:

poliphilo
2007-10-25 10:54 am (UTC)

Thank you.

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From:

jackiejj
2007-10-25 11:36 am (UTC)

I can't imagine you or Ailz being "thick-skinned," but certainly I can't imagine your being unwelcome guests!

How thrilled and happy I would be to have you two at my door.

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From:

poliphilo
2007-10-25 01:07 pm (UTC)

That's very kind of you.

Friendship, real friendship, is a fairly rare thing I think. At least it has been in my life.

I think of you as a friend.

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From:

halfmoon_mollie
2007-10-25 11:53 am (UTC)

I've usually BEEN the thick skinned guest who outstayed her welcome. You're right, it IS humiliating.

Finding friends is a wonderful thing. And finding someone to bring you grapes...an added bonus.

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From:

poliphilo
2007-10-25 02:07 pm (UTC)

That's something that's so good about LJ- the friendships are real but the social embarrassment factor is very much less.

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From:

fickleasever
2007-10-25 09:15 pm (UTC)

You've hit the nail on the head there.

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From:

poliphilo
2007-10-26 09:18 am (UTC)

Thanks

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