When I moved in here 21 years ago I was with Chris. We were both coming from a bad place and she was my best buddy and I was her rescuer. We called it love and it didn't last very long. Her kids hated me and we had different goals in life. I was on my way to becoming a witch and she wanted to be "normal".|
It was all very painful. Notice how I'm not going into any detail. Those things are for the judgement hall of Osiris not LJ.
You'd think I'd dream about her, but I don't. What I dream about is being a clergyman- which goes to show that being a clergyman was a lot worse than being in a fucked up relationship- and quitting the church and getting together with her was a step in the right direction.
We lost touch many years ago. And that's as it should be. Move on, keep your eyes on the prize, don't look back. Someone told me she'd found herself a significant other and I hope that's true and she's happy.
BIG OLD BUSH
It’s odd how you can live with a person
Three full years and remember so little...
The very first Christmas I spent with her
I went for a walk in the hills on my own
(It was very damp. It was very still)
Which was cruel of me, but we’d come together
Through need and not from the fellow feeling
That makes a marriage.
She’d crisp, thick hair
And very small breasts (she was bothered about them),
Secrets too that she wouldn’t share,
Which ate her up.
At the end she remarked
In a choked back voice, it was thanks to me,
Because I was callous and wouldn’t work,
That she’d gained the bottle to fend for herself.
This hurt at the time, but I think, on reflection,
I did her no harm.
It was sex that kept us
Sweet for so long. I remember dragging
Her orange trousers down round her knees
And doing it scratchily, standing up,
In a big, old rhododendron bush
One thirsty summer’s afternoon
In the early days. She was flighty then.