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Tony Grist

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One Of Those Things- I Suppose [Mar. 18th, 2007|09:44 am]
Tony Grist

Joe had been home only a couple of minutes when Sara rang. She asked for Ailz- which was a little odd- but I told her Ailz was in bed and offered to put her onto Joe. "Oh don't tell him I rang," she said. "We've broken up."


Joe's my son and of course I support him in anything he chooses to do ( he says this was his choice) but I'm not going to pretend it doesn't hurt. He and Sara were engaged and I liked her and had taken to thinking of her- and speaking of her- as my daughter-in-law. Lovely girl.

I wonder how her parents are taking it? Joe used to spend five nights a week at their house. He and Ron went drinking together. They went to the gym together.

So do I scrub all the photos of him and her off my computer in case one of them should shuffle into view when he's in the room? Seems a bit Stalinist really- this making of her into a non-person.

Maybe they'll get back together, but I doubt it. This is the third time they've split. The other times felt like spats, like mistakes, like blips. This time it feels final.

They've got a lot of shared property- things they've bought for their future home- and most of it is in our attic. There's going to have to be some sort of division of spoils. She was asking about this when she rang yesterday. I said- pretending to a competence I didn't feel- that we'd sort something out.

I didn't sleep well. And- would you Adam and Eve it?- this morning it's snowing.


[User Picture]From: glitzfrau
2007-03-18 10:35 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know how happy you were when they got engaged. What a sad end to it.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-18 10:58 am (UTC)
Thanks. Other people's relationships are always a mystery. They had seemed to be so good together.
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[User Picture]From: heleninwales
2007-03-18 11:48 am (UTC)
Oh, dear. Children never cease to be a worry, do they? Not even when they've supposedly grown up and become independant.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-18 04:59 pm (UTC)
The bigger they get, the bigger the potential for trouble.

And the less power you have to help them.
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[User Picture]From: pondhopper
2007-03-18 12:18 pm (UTC)
With two adult daughters I know from expereince it just doesn´t get easier to relax the parental concern gene. It´s their life so why are we so affected by their ups and downs? That´s a rhetorical question. We just are.

I´m sorry to hear about the break-up, though. When a relationship has gone on for that long we tend to think it´ll always be the same especialy if we like the partner they´ve chosen.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-18 05:02 pm (UTC)

We're powerless in the clutches of biology.

I did really think this relationship was for keeps and had envisaged a future in which Sara would always be there. I guess it just goes to show you mustn't take anything for granted.
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[User Picture]From: baritonejeff
2007-03-18 12:45 pm (UTC)
Not that this should be the deciding factor when a couple decides to split, but I wonder how often they consider the impact it has on the significant others in their worlds.

I'll bet this does hurt, and I'm sorry that you have to go through it.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-18 05:06 pm (UTC)
It's a form of collateral damage, isn't it?

Thanks for your concern. It's a dull pain. A sort of pain by proxy, I guess.
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[User Picture]From: idahoswede
2007-03-18 01:24 pm (UTC)
Of course you don't make her a non-person, she's still the same human being she was before the split. Of course having her to dinner a lot might not be a good idea, but she hasn't changed, just the circumstances. So sorry to hear about it.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-18 05:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks. We've spoken. We're still on friendly terms. It's a crying shame.
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[User Picture]From: airstrip
2007-03-18 03:49 pm (UTC)
So do I scrub all the photos of him and her off my computer in case one of them should shuffle into view when he's in the room? Seems a bit Stalinist really- this making of her into a non-person.

My father wanted to destroy all the photos of him and my mother--my mother destroyed all of hers--but my grandmother refused to allow him to do so. To her, they are a matter of record, not subject to his whims.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-18 05:11 pm (UTC)
That's right- a matter of record. It's how I feel. Sara is a friend of mine. I have no reason not to keep her pictures.
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[User Picture]From: lblanchard
2007-03-18 04:04 pm (UTC)
"So do I scrub all the photos of him and her off my computer in case one of them should shuffle into view when he's in the room? Seems a bit Stalinist really- this making of her into a non-person."

You could always archive them onto a CD or something during the, ummm, sensitive period.

As far as the stuff in the attic is concerned, you'll do what seems best to you, of course, but I think I might suggest that they sort that out while you and Ailz are out exploring Wensleydale. There are some really nice B&Bs in Leyburn and Middleham.

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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-18 05:13 pm (UTC)
Good advice.

It seems like they've reached some sort of agreement about the division of the spoils. I think she'll probably come over some time when he's at work.
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[User Picture]From: ibid
2007-03-19 04:49 pm (UTC)
That's sad. Sorry to hear it.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-19 05:58 pm (UTC)
Life goes on.

But I'll miss her.
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From: manfalling
2007-03-21 05:32 am (UTC)
That really sucks.

Sara and her folks are/were so nice. Hosting me over NY's- just open and way friendly. I felt glad and confident that Joe had them at his back, as well as of course you Dad and Ailz too.

But what can you do?

Nothing, really. If it just doesn't work, then no amount of effort will stop it from not working.

Say hi to Joe for me. Dunno if he'll start going out with mates more or not. Watch videos a lot. Who knows. I've been broken up a while now, and kind of hermit-ing it for now.

Yeah, say hi for me.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-21 09:51 am (UTC)
It's very sad.

Joe's been working long hours and spending time with Tim and co. But he's back here most nights and- because of the early starts- has taken to going to bed early. I guess he's hermitting it too.

I'll pass on the greeting.
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[User Picture]From: jackiejj
2007-03-21 04:23 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, Tony. My best to Joe. I know this must have been hard for them both, and for you and Ailz.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2007-03-21 05:04 pm (UTC)

I was dusting round just now and found a photo of the two of them together. I took it out of its frame and put it away in a drawer.
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