We send cards to my mother's dwindling circle of relatives and acquaintances to let them know she's still alive. We send to Ailz's ex-husband and my ex-wife. We send to my mother-in-law's neighbours for being so good to her when she was in terminal decline. We don't send to Ailz's relatives.
"You've addressed this one to Mr and Mrs," I say. "And he's dead."
"No-one updated the list," she says.
"My mother would have done it once," I say, "But not any more..."