June 17th, 2019


 "Anger is the expression of fear". It's my mantra of the month. I got it out of a book. 

I forget which book. But a number of the books I've been reading lately have made the same point- if not always as succinctly.

Anna, my mother's old racehorse trainer is coming to see her this morning. 

I used to be angry with Anna- because she had a hold over my mother and was costing her tons of money and I didn't know how to operate in her world- so basically I was afraid of her. But that's been sorted now- largely thanks to my bro-in-law- the racehorses have been sold or given away- and it was only money after all. I like how she's stayed in touch even though she's no longer being paid. She's a nice girl. Loyal.

Ailz says she's going to leave me to Anna in her will- and I say "don't you dare". Anna has nothing in her head but horses- and to a lesser extent dogs and ferrets.  She belongs to the Countryside Alliance. She hunts.