August 29th, 2015

bah

The Latest From Loch Ness

Channel 5 offered to explain the Loch Ness monster to me. Oh good, I thought; I've been wondering about that one most of my life; it would be nice to know for certain.

So (according to Channel 5) the Loch Ness monster is...

1. a wave pattern

2. a folk memory of the elephants from Bertram Mills' Circus

3. a seal that's wandered in from the North Sea. Maybe two seals

4. all in our heads.

It's the last one I find most insulting . It was voiced by a chap with twinkling specs who pointed to the big blip of sightings in 1933 and told us it was all due to people having come away from watching King Kong with over-heated imaginations. Ok. So why were they seeing plesiosaurs and not 30 foot apes?  Does King Kong even feature a plesiosaur? No that really won't wash. He then pointed to a later blip and said that one was due to some monster movie I'd never even heard of. No, that one washes even less.

I'm tired of being patronised by chaps in twinkling specs.

The fact remains that for all the hoaxes and quasi-hoaxes, there remain sightings that haven't been accounted for. The sonar sweep in the 70s or 80s found three anomalous underwater swimmers. A recent film shows something dashing through the water that isn't a wave pattern. There's something out there that can't just be twinkled away