March 4th, 2015


Eyes Forward....

Barely a day goes by when I don't find myself thinking, "I can't carry on doing this." And then I think, "But of course I can".

Cue marching music....

Rum-tum-ti-tum-tum, rum-tum-ti-tum-tum, rum-tum-ti-tum.

Snatch Of Conversation.

My Mother:  (Looking up from the Daily fucking Telegraph) Can you explain about these "musketeer midwives"?

Me: (Deep breath) Hospital in Morecambe. Lots of deaths in the maternity unit. They're blaming the midwives. Couldn't blame the bosses, could they? That'd never do...

My Mother: I see (only she doesn't)

30 seconds elapses.

My Mother: What's this about musketeer midwives?

Me: They're blaming the midwives for deaths at a hospital in Morecambe. (Inspiration strikes) They're calling them musketeers bcause they're sticking together.

My Mother: I see...

Buddhistic Dialogue

A, This planet is a hell dimension, right? Come on, be honest.

B. There are worse.

A . Yes, yes, I know. I should count my blessings...
B   Spring sunshine. Look the sun is out at the moment. Birds, H.G. Wells...

A   Jihadi John, David Cameron, Musketeer midwives...

B   There's good and bad.

A:   Both illusions?

B:  You took the words right out of my mouth.

A:  But why? Why can't I just flit around in the summerlands- with wings- meditating on truth and beauty, radiating ineffable love?

B   You'd be bored.

A   You're going to say it's character building, aren't you? Like the Scouts. Like Sir Arthur fucking Baden Powell.

B:  Not Arthur, You're confusing him with Conan Doyle.  The man you're think of was called Robert.

A.  Same difference. I hate all that. Uniforms, organised games. I used to hide out in the art room.

B:  Well you've been found. You'll always be found in the end. Actually you want to be found.

A.  Mafeking's out there waiting for me to relieve it?

B:  That sort of thing. Only its not urgent. Take as many lives as you like.

A:  Because it's not actually fucking real, is it? Mafeking, I mean-  just a game that's being played out, a simulation...

B:  (Says nothing)

A:  But if it's only a game....?

B.  (Maintains a dignified silence)

A:  I mean, why?

B:  You know really. (Pause.)  Else why would you be here?