October 26th, 2014

bah

Having The Courage Of One's Convictions

I was telling Keith about reincarnation and angels and ETs and so on- and clearly he thought it was nonsense so I was adopting an ironic, jokey tone and then I suddenly heard what I was doing and said, "I don't know why I'm laughing because this is what I actually  believe."
bah

Home Is...

That may have been our last protracted stay at the old house. We've left essential furniture in place, but it's looking denuded and sorry. Emotionally I seem to be coping. I keep asking myself if I'm OK and the answer thus far has been, "Sure".

Last time we put the house on the market I had to choose between withdrawing it or having a nervous breakdown. The difference this time is- I suppose- that selling up is only part of a larger plan. Last time we didn't really know what we were going to do next.

Also the old house no longer feels like home. Question: What is there left to keep us in Oldham? Answer: Ailz's mother. Quite.

Today I've been processing the things we brought down in the car. Our pictures are going up on the walls, our books are filling the cupboards. The farm isn't exactly home, but it's getting to feel more and more like it.