August 21st, 2014


Rats All Gone

I haven't seen any rats around the bird feeders this morning. That'll be because they've eaten the poison Matthew put down for them. I wasn't keen on him doing it but everyone else was in favour so I allowed myself to be persuaded.

Cautionary Tale

Matthew told us this story yesterday to soften us up.

There was once a man who lived alone in a bender in the woods. He was a bit of a recluse so he was happy for the rats to move in with him and keep him company. But the rats pissed on his food and made him ill. He got sicker and sicker- and took to his bed- and the sicker he got the friendlier the rats became- which pleased him because he didn't have any other visitors- till at last they were running all round him and over him and he was thinking "these are the only friends I have in the world". Then one of them bit him and he realised they were thinking of him as a meal.   At this- with an extraordinary effort- he rose from  his bed, dragged himself to hospital, got cured- and returned home with the biggest tub of rat poison money could buy.

But we're not living in a bender and we've got stout doors and shutters and- oh, really....