January 1st, 2013

Escape To 2013

The fireworks woke me up. I was in the middle of a dream where I was pretending to be a gangland chaplain (It involved half-inching a leather jacket with gang insignia from Rene-next-door) and trying to muscle in on the funeral of a murder victim and everybody had worked out I was a fraud and this gigantic cop was hassling me and these beautiful red-headed twins were making fun of me. On the whole I was glad to be out of it...

Frog Chorus

There's really no point in trying to fool people into thinking I'm better when my voice is such a croak. Ailz tried to cheer me up yesterday by calling it "deep and sexy" so I started singing "Moon River" to her and she told me to shut up.

Arming The Bullies

If you have five or more children and neither of you can find work the Daily Mail has just come up with a fun new name for you.

If you thought of yourself as a traditional, catholic, working-class family you were wrong. What you are is a "benefits brood".

Imagine the school bully rolling that round his gob on a winter's morning. Imagine it bouncing off the playground walls.