Some functionaries saw me picking the things off a table in the salon and asked me to prove they were really mine. I showed them a picture in the diaries of my father wearing a laurel wreath- like Claude Rains' Caesar- then pointed to my father himself who was sitting in an armchair watching all this going on. I explained how I'd given the objects to a local museum and they shouldn't have been transferred to the Palace. "If you need someone to back up my story" I said, "Ask Boris Johnson. He used to be Mayor of Oldham, you know."
Just then there was an announcement that the Queen was "Taking up her position" and everyone rushed off to watch and I was able to slip away- which I did, with the diaries and cat bed under my arm, munching on the sausage.
