December 24th, 2005


I dreamed I was at home with all three kids and they were the ages they were when I split up with their mother and we were launching a skyrocket. It went whooshing up over the hills and then, instead of bursting, changed direction and came right back down to where we were, landed on the grass and stuck there, fizzing and spluttering. I told the kids to keep away from it, but they ignored me and clustered round it and put it out.


First you set up a straw man, then you kick the stuffing out of it, all the while emitting shrill cries of outrage.

I thought this "War of Christmas" silliness was an American phenomenon, but here's the Bishop of Salford- a fat-faced, middle-aged chap called Terence Brain- shouting from the front of the Manchester Evening News that we need to rally to SAVE OUR CHRISTMAS.

Apparently there's a plan afoot to rename it "Winterval".

Really? First I'd heard of it.

Winterval- that's really snappy. That's really going to catch on.

Come off it, Brain, get real. If Christmas is endangered then Pandas are as plentiful as pigeons.