April 5th, 2005

So Secret

I was lying in bed last night thinking of two things that happened when I was approximately six.

The first thing was I told myself a story about a hermaphrodite (a little girl with a penis) who was murdered and torn apart by the other kids for being too pretty.

It was a thing of beauty and shame and so secret that I wince at telling it even now.

I identified with the murdered child.

And the second was how, when I was sick, I asked my grandmother to get me a Bible. She sat by my bed and started reading at Matthew I i. and I said "No, start from the beginning." So we went all the way back to Genesis.

I dodn't think we ever progressed beyond the seven days of Creation. But the point is I didn't want to start in the middle. I wanted the whole story, the whole secret. I really wanted the low-down on this God fella.....

Even if my attention span was this (***) short.

Sex and religion.......

Story of my life.