My mother (looking at plate on lap): What's this?
Mother (sticking fork into food) So what's this then?
Mother (still with the fork) : No, this...
Self: Spaghetti sauce
My mother (struggling with broadsheet paper) What's all this. The first commando....?
Self: I've no idea. Show me.
Self: Not commando, Leonardo. They've found some gay porn by Leonardo and sold it for £15 million.
Mother (best lady Bracknell manner) Gay porn!
Self: Yes it's a drawing of a naked young man writhing in agony.
Mother: Why's he in agony?
Self: Because he's been shot full of arrows.
Ailz: X has died
Ailz: Apparently he had dementia...
Self: Breaks into helpless giggles