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Tony Grist

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Mad As Hell [Oct. 23rd, 2015|05:47 pm]
Tony Grist
You know when a friend or relative says something belittling about you to another friend or relative and this second friend or relative (not that they agree with what was said, oh no) just has to tell you all about it- well, I think that kind of thing is really low. 
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: halfmoon_mollie
2015-10-23 05:52 pm (UTC)
I agree. I will repeat a compliment, but not a criticism. Ever.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2015-10-23 07:51 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure, but I think the word for this sort of thing is "passive aggressive".
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[User Picture]From: halfmoon_mollie
2015-10-23 07:56 pm (UTC)
Yanno, I've never exactly understood the definition of *passive aggressive* either.
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[User Picture]From: ideealisme
2015-10-23 06:10 pm (UTC)
To hell with them, is what I would say. Hopefully these are not rellies you have to meet every day of the week!
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2015-10-23 07:58 pm (UTC)
That's what I've been saying too...

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From: athenais
2015-10-23 08:58 pm (UTC)
It's also called tattling and it's despicable.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2015-10-24 09:07 am (UTC)
It undermines relationships and puts the tattler in a position of power- or at least that's what the tattler is aiming for
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[User Picture]From: resonant
2015-10-24 11:49 pm (UTC)
The correct way to do it is, "So-and-so said this mean thing about you, so I peed on them and burned their house down".
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[User Picture]From: wlotusopenid
2015-10-23 09:15 pm (UTC)
It depends on the situation. If the person telling is just gossiping and getting joy out of it, that is low. If the person telling is warning you not to trust that other relative, because they are talking badly about you behind your back while smiling to your face, that is loyalty.
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[User Picture]From: splodgenoodles
2015-10-24 12:58 am (UTC)
I was just thinking this. But then I also observe the actions of the one doing the telling - do they continue to be a confidant/friend to the one who has such a low opinion of you?

It's a fraught situation in any case.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2015-10-24 09:12 am (UTC)
The case I know most about involves a matriarch trying to play her children off against one another.
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[User Picture]From: splodgenoodles
2015-10-26 11:04 am (UTC)
Oh no. That's awful. I've met a couple of people with parents like that, it does terrible damage.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2015-10-24 09:10 am (UTC)
I have two cases in mind. The first is the one that has made me angry- the other- which I know less about- could be about loyalty- though the informee hasn't taken it that way.
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[User Picture]From: charliemc
2015-10-24 08:05 am (UTC)
No kidding! People need to keep things like that to themselves. But they rarely do, for whatever reason... (sigh)

Why do people enjoy spreading BAD news?
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2015-10-24 09:13 am (UTC)
I think it's about power- and playing people off against one another.
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[User Picture]From: davesmusictank
2015-10-24 12:12 pm (UTC)
Totally agree. It is atrocious behavior IMHO.
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[User Picture]From: lblanchard
2015-10-24 03:58 pm (UTC)
I had a pair of extremely manipulative family members growing up who elevated this to a high art. Took me some time to discover that this isn't the way most of the world operates.
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[User Picture]From: ingenious76
2015-10-24 06:12 pm (UTC)
It is very passive aggressive, and says more about them than you.
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