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Tony Grist

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The Wrong Direction [Nov. 24th, 2014|11:12 am]
Tony Grist
I moved my mother out of the dining room into the living room this morning because she was falling asleep and threatening to smack her head against the table.

She has to be nudged to remember the routines by which she's lived for decades. Sometimes she'll ask, "Where do I go now?" or "Am I allowed a biscuit?" It's useles to tell her she's free to do as she pleases.  Most afternoons she watches television but it no longer matters what's on and she's stopped using the remote, so I select her viewing for her. Racing, antiques, wildlife, documentaries, news. I think, though I haven't tried it, that she'd sit through Eastenders now and not turn a hair. Occasionally she'll ask me, "Do you know what they're talking about?"

It's like caring for a child, except that with a child you're ever so slowly backing away and allowing them more and more independence. It feels wrong- unnatural- to be going in the opposite direction.

I'm dreading the moment when she can no longer manage to undress herself. I already have to help her with her body warmer and shoes...
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: pondhopper
2014-11-24 01:40 pm (UTC)
Yes, with dementia, people do become more and more childlike and depend on others for the simplest decisions...and it is, unfortunately, a very natural process even though is feels wrong.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2014-11-24 03:11 pm (UTC)
Heigh-ho...
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[User Picture]From: steepholm
2014-11-24 02:46 pm (UTC)
That must be very hard.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2014-11-24 03:13 pm (UTC)
Yup...
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[User Picture]From: heleninwales
2014-11-24 03:40 pm (UTC)
A friend has just gone through this process with his Dad. Thankfully, he has now found an excellent care home because trying to do dementia care 24/7 is impossible for one person.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2014-11-24 03:44 pm (UTC)
There are two of us- and we have Kirsty coming in every day. If I were on my own I'd be going crackers.
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From: cmcmck
2014-11-24 03:50 pm (UTC)
I think you'll find a need to rely more heavily on your carer as time goes on. This is where your arrangement to employ her directly will be a huge advantage!
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2014-11-24 04:19 pm (UTC)
At present she only comes in once a day but I can see this changing
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From: cmcmck
2014-11-24 04:24 pm (UTC)
We wouldn't have coped without Margaret once my MiL became so frail and immobile even though she remained mentally alert.

We had to find a care home for his aunt.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2014-11-24 05:05 pm (UTC)
My mother is still reasonably mobile.
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From: cmcmck
2014-11-24 05:07 pm (UTC)
And that may have its own problems as her mental faculties decline. :o(
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2014-11-24 09:06 pm (UTC)
I hadn't thought of that.
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From: cmcmck
2014-11-25 08:02 am (UTC)
'wandering' is a known problem with dementia sufferers in care homes. Very complicated from a human rights perspective, like offering meds.
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[User Picture]From: suemars
2014-11-25 01:39 pm (UTC)

old age ...

is not for sissy's. my mom is hoping for stroke. shes 86 and in pretty good health, but shes more and more forgetful and very tiny and frail. wish I was closer to her, but shes in the south where its warm. she is terrified of the cold.
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