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Tony Grist

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Progress Report [Oct. 17th, 2013|10:42 am]
Tony Grist
I was feeling mellow yesterday- which gave Ailz permission to fulminate over our situation here at my mother's. We take it in turns to crash- because we'd be in a fix if we both went down together.

We came down here in May because my mother had had an episode that left her all but unable to walk. (We now know she'd slipped a disc) Five months later she's regained mobility- and can even manage steps (though not too many of them) but her mind is fading. She forgets things. She forgets from minute to minute.

She called me into the study a couple of days ago. She was sitting at the desk with papers in front of her. "I don't know what I'm doing," she said

I used to play at absent mindedness- not finishing sentences- all that sort of thing. Pure laziness. Pure self-indulgence. I'm trying to sharpen up, lose the adorable vagueness (pah!) and not start a sentence I can't finish.

You see the real thing and it's not funny. 
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: suemars
2013-10-17 10:20 am (UTC)
our family is doing the same, my mom just got divorced at 85, and moved from Arizona to north Carolina. she stayed with my sister for a couple of months and now my brother has her. shes very forgetful. not sure how my brother feels, but my mom is confused and just cracks me up when she calls me. the joy of getting old.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 10:29 am (UTC)
Mostly the forgetful seem protected against knowledge of their own forgetfulness. They forget that they forget. That makes it easier.
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From: artkouros
2013-10-17 11:53 am (UTC)
I would suggest that you start getting all her affairs in order now, while she's still able to participate in those discussions. It's easier than trying to figure everything out when she's no longer able to help.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 02:43 pm (UTC)
She's been very businesslike in her keeping of records. Everything is in files.
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From: artkouros
2013-10-17 04:19 pm (UTC)
So was my dad. It took months to go through the files and separate the wheat from the chaff.
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[User Picture]From: heleninwales
2013-10-17 04:30 pm (UTC)
If she's been keeping everything, whether it's in files or not, it will still be a job to get on top of everything. Thankfully my Dad kept a handy annual balance sheet and I helped him complete the last one so I know what's what, even so, sorting out his papers is taking some time. His mental capacity has slipped a lot this year. He declined noticeably after his 92nd birthday.

Also, if you haven't already done it, you need to get a Power of Attorney in place. We did this with Dad earlier this year and it's much easier if the person is still compos mentis when you do it. Solicitors charge quite a bit, but as long as you read everything carefully and fill out the forms accordingly, you can do it yourself for a fraction of the cost. There is one for health and one for finance.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 05:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks.

We're looking into these things.

The files go back a long way. I think it's safe to say the earlier ones are mostly junk.
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[User Picture]From: splodgenoodles
2013-10-18 12:33 am (UTC)
Yep. I'm off to see a solicitor today to arrange my own.

My lucky, lucky siblings get to manage me when my brain fails...
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From: cmcmck
2013-10-17 12:04 pm (UTC)
Hubby's favourite old aunt finished up in a care home due to Alzheimer's and as you say, it isn't funny. :o(

Edited at 2013-10-17 01:57 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 02:45 pm (UTC)
Once upon a time I was chaplain to a psycho-geriatric hospital.
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From: cmcmck
2013-10-17 05:14 pm (UTC)
I worked in psycho geriatric for a time myself. Not easy.
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[User Picture]From: ideealisme
2013-10-17 12:10 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear this. It's not an easy situation.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 02:45 pm (UTC)
One day at a time.....
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[User Picture]From: wyrmwwd
2013-10-17 02:15 pm (UTC)
One of the ladies that I do tech support is doing this. It is sometimes annoying for me, but for her, it must be terrifying.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 02:46 pm (UTC)
I have Ailz. If I were doing it by myself I'd be going crazy.
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[User Picture]From: pondhopper
2013-10-17 02:36 pm (UTC)
NO, it's not funny at all. My own mother suffered a terrible stroke at age 55 and it was downhill mentally for her for the next 20 years. It broke my heart.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 02:47 pm (UTC)
That's awful.

55 is terribly young
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[User Picture]From: lblanchard
2013-10-17 03:15 pm (UTC)
It's good that she occasionally recognizes the problem. I dealt with the paperwork issue with my mother by suggesting that we double-team things "so that I can keep things going if you're in the hospital."
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 03:28 pm (UTC)
She's happy enough to delegate. Ailz just organized cover for the boiler- at my mother's suggestion.

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[User Picture]From: arielstarshadow
2013-10-17 05:19 pm (UTC)
I confess I hope I approach my mother's coming years with as much compassion and calmness as you two do for your mothers.
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[User Picture]From: poliphilo
2013-10-17 05:32 pm (UTC)
Thanks.

But we're not that calm. :)
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