||[Oct. 16th, 2012|09:19 am]
My mother and father were both very close to their parents but never raised any sort of memorial to them when they died. My sister says they never even collected their ashes from the crem. We were talking about this last night. She finds it odd. I don't- not particularly. Ashes are only ashes. They're not the person. The person is gone. I have never had the slightest wish to go stand beside my grandparents' (non-existent) graves- and I was very fond of them too. The spirit goes on to other adventures, the person lives in the memory of the living for as long as is appropriate. What more do you need? |
I suppose everybody has their own take on this subject. I find it extremely peaceful to visit my parent's graves when I'm in Michigan. I know they're not there but I find it easier to remember when I stand there. Perhaps that comes from living so far away from where all my younger memories are.
Grave visiting isn't in our family tradition, either, but we do like the early remnants to have a decent resting place.
One of our kids, on the other hand, or possibly his wife, has carefully saved the cremated remnants of every pet they've ever had so that they can all be buried together.
Totally with you. Although I admit to planning for Tom and I to have our ashes intermingled in the end, just because, and scattered someplace nice.
Very well put, Tony. My sister has been very upset with me because I did not go to the "Interment of the Ashes" after Mom died last year. I saw no point, especially since the cemetery was next to impossible to get to without a ride, and Sis was not offering one. Me? I want to be scattered in a place where flowers will be nourished by the last crumbs of my earthly remains.
"...I wish no marker but a flower, as Ajax..." This is part of a line from a poem written by my first husband Roger Lee Thomas, who died at age 40. Our daughters and his mother scattered his ashes in compliance with his wishes. I too only wish a flower, alive and growing.
Edited at 2012-10-16 05:41 pm (UTC)
I have never had the slightest wish to go stand beside my grandparents' (non-existent) graves- and I was very fond of them too.
I visit my grandmother's grave when I'm in Maine (and my grandfather's now, too) and leave stones from the sea for remembrance, but it's in our tradition to.
I love that custom of marking a visit with a stone.
I have vowed there will be no ash-scattering for me when I'm gone. If John outlives me and wants the urn, fine, up to him. But I do love a good gravestone, I'm only sorry I won't have one.
I absolutely agree. When Mum died, Dad had already ticked a box for the ashes to be scattered impersonally in the garden of remembrance at the crematorium. Whilst I didn't feel entirely comfortable with this (more down to lack of consultation than anything else), all the other options seemed more complicated and would have made me feel even less comfortable.
Fortunately, on the day of the funeral, the sun contrived to be blazing down on said garden as we left the ceremony, and did make it look an earthly paradise. This helped a lot. It's where Dad will go when the time comes.